May Energy

I'm Actually Amused By My Actions And How I’m Handling Things. May Has Been A Roller Coaster For Me And It’s Been Very Triggering. I Started To Realize That Memories Could Have Been Erased. I Was Making Them Triggering Instead Of Letting Go. Yes Some Events Were Wonderful And Some Were Horrible Events That Were Killing Me For Years. 

Now I Feel Like I’m Okay To Handle It Calmly And Shrug It Off. For A Sec It Does Bother Me And Later On I Just Shrug It Quietly. A Lot Of People Can Turn A Very Sensitive Subject To Something Irritating. I Started To Learn How To Tune Things Out And Try Not To Make Myself Upset. I’m Trying To Take Things Calmly And Not Personal. Sometimes People Don’t Know What’s Going On With You. It Isn’t Their Fault And Sometimes They Forget How You’re Feeling For They Are Dealing With Their Own Issues. It’s Pretty Hard To Remember Every Little Thing And Keep A Track Of Time. Time Now Is Very Fast And Things Can Be Unexpected.  I’ve Realized That Days Are Going By Very Fast During My Changes. 

The Triggering Feelings 

April 29-May 2018

I Can Tell You This Though.. Years Back In 2018. I Almost Died Twice And It Was Very Close Death Experiences. I Didn’t Realize I Was Dying From The Inside. I Was Stubborn, Numb And I Was Dealing With A Lot Of Stress. 

I Lied A Lot About My Feelings To Close Friends And My Family. I Didn’t Want To Show A Side Of Me That Was Weak And Struggling. The Situation Was Very Unexpected. 

Not Something That I Could Have Control Of And I Had To Numb Myself With My Own Thoughts. Either I Was Working Heavy Hours Or Just Drinking Alcohol To Relax Myself. 

During October To April 2018 I Was Dealing With A Lot Of Setbacks For My Own Stupidity. I Was Trying To Fix It And I Thought It Was Possible. Nope I Didn’t Realize I Was Dying Slowly. I Was Bleeding For Weeks And I Thought I Was Just Having Reaction From Birth Control. “Oh Hormones Being Changed”.. I Didn’t Put So Much Care Into It Because I’m So Used To Pain. Well Lucky Me * Sarcasm*, I Had To Go To The Hospital On 29 Of April And I Thought I Will Be Okay After. I Was In The Hospital Close To Midnight Until They Finally Released Me. I Thought I Didn’t Have To Worry About Anything. Nope.. Back Into The Hospital But This Time I Was Hospitalize For 5 Days. If You Don’t Know Much About Me. I Tend To Laugh During Serious Situations Because I Become Nervous Inside Of My System. My Actions Shut Down, My Emotions Get Confused And The Only Way To Calm Myself Down. Is To Make Jokes The Whole Time And Trying To Calm Myself Mentally. Sometimes People Don’t Get That About Me And I Have To Warn Them In Advance. 

Now In 2023 I Started To Learn How To Control My Joking During Serious Moments. Mostly With Work Or Very Sensitive People I’ve Met During My Changes. I’ve Been Trying My Best To Not To Trigger People Or Make Them Uncomfortable. 

In 2021, The 3rd Year After This Situation Happened. The 3 Of Empress Surrenders To The Energy And Trust In The Universe. Empress Is 3, Hanged Man 12 And Universe 21. The Energy Of Myself Was Very Weak And I Felt Miserable. I Was Far From Home, 3 Hours And Half. I Was Living In The 3rd Floor Alone With Someone Who Kept Making Me Insecure. The Mind Games Were Just Irritating, Overwhelming And Breaking Me Down. Sometimes I Didn’t Understand Why I Was Putting Myself In This. Sometimes I Wonder Why Someone Would Get Me Mad Easily? It’s Funny .. You Think To Yourself That You Can Be With Someone And Everything Could Feel Amazing. I Was Wrong And I Think I Finally Snapped. I Guess I Tried To Stay Long Because I Moved Away .. With Such Dedication That I Didn’t Want To Fail. I Didn’t Want To Fail My Task And Have To Go Back With A “I Told You So” …

May 2021

It Was Mother’s Day And I Was Far From My Mother. First Time I Was Far From Her During A Holiday. I Wanted To See Her But I Sadly Had No Choice. I Couldn’t See Her And I Had To Deal With My Other Issues. I Was Emotionally Unstable From The Lost Of My Son That Made Me Trigger About Life. I Felt Like A Failure And I Just Hated Myself. Something I Dragged For Those 3 Years Because The People I Dealt With. They Wouldn’t Really Try To Understand Me And I Felt Like It Was Always My Fault. I Was Being Bothered By The Fact That One Would Get Annoyed And One Would Get Overwhelmed. Crying Alone In The Shower, When I’m Alone In The Apartment Or Just Inside Of Me.. It Was Breaking Me. I Understand Overwhelmed Energy But Not In The Way Of Making Me Feel Fucking Bad About My Own Body Parts. I Never Felt The Way I Felt For The Past 3 Years. I Kept Blaming Myself For Things That Weren’t My Fault. Sometimes I Had To Lie How I Felt Because I Didn’t Want It Being Noticeable. Sometimes I Couldn’t Hold It In Any More And I Spoke My Mind. I Just Really Hated The Fact That I Couldn’t Feel In Peace. Either I Dealt With Multiple Doctors, Urgent Cares And Hospitals To Figure Out What’s Going On. Life Was Really Triggering For Me And I Dealt With So Much Pain For 3 Years. Internal Pain, Emotional, Mental Pain Because I Wasn’t Able To Relax Myself Or Figure Out The Situation. May 2021 Was A Roller Coaster That Made Me Lose My Cool. I Think I’ve Said So Much Hurtful Things That I Myself Don’t Regret Anymore. I Was Dealing With The Covid Injection That Was Making Me Sick. I Was Dealing With The Fact It Was A Holiday That I Don’t Enjoy Much About Aka Mother’s Day. I Had So Many Issues That Was Being Mixed In Together Like A Salad. Sometimes I Think Back To It And I Should Have Just Became Quiet. Silence Is Scary To People When It Comes To Me. The Best Weapon That I’ve Ever Created Because I Don’t Have To Release Words Or Have To Think. I Shut Down With No Communication And I Tune Out My Hearing. Pretty Great Honestly And I Just Watch The Person Become Nervous. Trying To Get My Attention And Worry What To Do? But This Time I Didn’t Do That And I Just Said Hurtful Things. I Don’t Feel Bad And I Laugh About It Now. I Feel Great And I Keep Continuing To Look Younger, Wiser And Stronger. I Don’t Need That Toxic Behavior In My Life And Having To Deal With That. It Just Irritated Me So Much That I’m Glad I Finally Came Back Home. I Did Too Much Of My Effort For What? Nothing.. 

May 2021 To May 2022 I Was Going Through My Spiritual Training And Meeting New Energies. I Was Going Through Spiritual Growth And Trying To Understand Myself Better. I Had To Let Go, Remove, Start Or Reconnect With New Energies. There Was This One Energy That Made Me Want To Energy Choke Someone. It’s Like Seriously? I Really Don’t Understand What’s Wrong With People Honestly… I Was Starting To Make New Friends And Some Of Them Disgusted Me. People Can Be Very Toxic Over The Internet. Either They Are Fake, Jealous, Insecure Or Just Fucking Irritating. I Felt Like Every Day In My Group Chat. I Was Dealing With Highschool All Over Again But Sitting In The Back Of The Class. Quietly With My Arms Crossed And Just Ignoring Everything Around Me. I Mean… I Hear My Surroundings, Pay Attention To The Energy But The Conversations To Me? Pointless.. 

*I’m Very Observant, I Pay Attention To Your Stories When I Care About To. When I Care About Someone.. My Effort For You Is Strong. I Become Very Devoted, Loyal, Supportive And Just Want To Show You Respect.*

Once You Ruin My Respect… I Change Very Cold Quickly And The Energy Becomes Scary Or Nerve Wrecking. It’s More Of A “Go Figure It Out” Energy And I Disappear In My Own Bubble. During The Month Of May In 2022. I Was Still Dealing With Triggers And Growth. I Was Going Through Spiritual Training And I’m Trying To Handle My Triggers. It Was Pretty Hard But I Was Able To Break It Slowly. I’m With A Different Type Of Mindset Than 2018-2022. I Had To Go Through A Lot Of Tower Moments During Those Times. I Was Still Dealing With Beginner Training Of Shadow Work. I Wasn’t In My Energy Like I Am Now.. And I Was Very Easily Jumpy. It’s Normal And I’m Human… If Someone Can’t Understand That. I Guess They Can Call Me Annoying And Walk Off. 

During The Year Of 2021 To 2022 I Was Being Manipulated And I Had To Really Stay Careful With My Feels. I Was Cautious And I Was Trying To Make Sure Not To Just Open Up To Just Anyone. Out Of The Energies That I’ve Met During My Change. It Was A 25% Out Of 100 When It Came To People. I Only Spoke To A Very Small Group Of People. The People Who I Can Trust, Hang Out With And Speak My Mind With. Those People Are Still In My Life And I Appreciate Them Very Strongly. One Is Gone From Death And One Has Disappeared At The Moment. 

May 2022 Opened Up Many Doors That I Wasn’t Expecting. New Doors, New Reconnecting Doors, Doors That I Have Semi Open Locks And Doors That I Slammed. The Slamming Door Was Very Interesting Because I Should Have Left It Slammed With A Lock. I Was Having Such An Overwhelming Month In The Beginning Of May. May Was Very Annoying With The Group Of People That I Was Dealing With In A Small Group Channel. I Dealt With People Who Had Such Jealousy. I Was Trying To Not Let That Bother Me. I Was Trying To Practice My Communication Skills And Getting Myself Comfortable With Others Again. I Was A Hermit For A Whole Year That I Needed To Make New Connections. It Was A Push But Also A Little Project That I Wanted To Do For Myself. Not Going To Lie But It Helped Me With My Work. I Am Able To Communicate With Others In Person Or Over Web Cam For My Job. I’m Able To Have An Easier Time Communicating With Different People Now. My Patience Level With People My Age Or Around My Age Group Has Changed. 

The Reconnecting Energy That I Always Keep And Open The Door To: I Was Communicating With Someone That Has Reappeared In My Life. That Was Very Exciting And I Really Did Enjoy That Energy So Much. Having Someone Like That In My Life While My Life Felt So Dark. It Really Gave Me Some Energy Of Enlightenment. Even If The Person Doesn’t Understand That Or Doesn’t Believe That. They Really Did Give Me Some Energy Of Strength That I Needed. I Appreciate Them Very Much. Sometimes I Think Of This Person And I Only Remember All The Good Memories. Yes We Had Our Moments Of Small Arguments But Honestly? It’s Normal To Have Up And Downs In Any Connections. Nothing Is Perfect And Everything Needs To Be Worked With Patience. I Have Lots Of Patience With This Connection And I Can Understand It Very Calmly. 

But Even Though I Was Smiling And Having Fun. 

I Had Some Other Idiot Who Tried To Come In Between My Energy That Has Hurt Me For The Past 7 Years. Jeez Like Fuck Off? Ever Since The Separation Of 2021 In May With This Person. I Kept Seeing These Visions Of Someone Back Stabbing Me On The Back. I Thought To Myself.. I Wonder If He Ever Did In My Past Life. I Randomly Saw A Video One Day Saying “If You Have A Birth Mark On Your Chest That’s Close To Your Heart. You Got Killed In A Past Life”…. It Makes So Much Sense Now And Why He Kept Seeing My Past Life In His Dreams. No Wonder He’s Afraid Of My Anger And He Becomes Nervous. He Should Have Did The Disappearing Act Of Fuck Off And Not Return Back. I Don’t Know Why I Put So Much Care Into Him And Support. Fishing Me Along For His Bull Shit. When He Told Me Things And Expressed Things Of What’s Going On. Once Again I Just Blew Out Some Fire And Slammed The Door. I Didn’t Allow That To Bother Me. I Was Stuck Though Because I Was Dealing With Billing Stuff That I Was Attached To. I Dealt With The Situation Maturely And Having This Person In The Distance. I Wasn’t Going To Allow This Person To Mentally Fuck With Me. While I’m Reconnecting With Someone And Also Meeting New Friends. 

My Reconnecting Connection That I Respect: While I Was Reconnecting With The Connection And Dealing With My Own Issues. I Did Feel Happy And I Did Feel Like I Could Understand This Person. I Was Very Patient And I Was Able To Understand The Person. It’s Just Sometimes I Had My Little Complications Because I Was Still Struggling With Growth. I Was Trying To Juggle My Feelings Of Growth And My Feelings For This Person. I Respected This Person, I Was Honest With This Person And I Wanted To Be Myself Around This Person. I Didn’t Want To Hide Anything I Felt Or What I Was Dealing With. I Didn’t Let Any Drama To Come Into My Life At All. I Kept Rejecting Energies Left And Right. I Even Left The Group During The Times That I Was Reconnecting. I Was Trying To Be Calm As Possible But Eh I Was Dealing With Work And School. That… I Didn’t Have No Control On… Work Can Be Stressful And School Is Just Overwhelming. I Kept Showing My Support Even When I Had My Up And Down Moments. 

I Was Being Supportive, Understanding And Trying To Be That Person To Them. They Disappeared And I Had To Accept It. I Felt Hurt Because I Never Once Disrespected Them Or Try To Hurt Them. I Was Always Showing My Positive Energy, Giving My Energy Of Respect Of Appreciation And My Kindness. *Sighs* It’s Sad Because I Didn’t Want That. I Didn’t Want That Type Of Energy To Disappear Again. I Was Afraid It Might Happen And It’s Very Triggering To Me. The Energy Has Disappeared And I’m Back In May Again… 

May 2023 … 

I  Learned I Was Made In May And That’s Why I Am A February Energy. Funny.. May Has Such Good And Bad Memories. I Look At May Like Really? What Now? I Finally Feel In Peace Because I Blocked/Deleted Someone Who Has Hurt Me For 8 Years. That Person Is Finally Gone Out Of My Life And I Don’t Have To Look Back. The Energy Does Linger But I Quickly Push It Out Of Me. It’s Still Trying To Latch On To Me And I’m Like “Nope”.  The Beginning Of May 1st I Was Very Quiet Because It’s My Rebirth Day. Even Though My Birth Chart Reading Was Very Mind Blowing. 

I Wrote A Blog About My Pain 3 Days Before My Birth Chart Reading. Suddenly The Birth Chart Reading Had All Of It There. How Amusing Lol… I Didn’t Expect That And I Was Very Amused By It. The Next Day In May 2nd, I Lost My Best Friend Of 23 Years And That Triggered Me. For A Few Days I Was Feeling Overwhelmed And Jumpy. I Would Get Overwhelmed And Scared That My Friends Were Going To Be Next Or Myself. Sometimes I Would Check Up On My Parents Because I Was Super Jumpy. I Was Coping But Also Trying To Stop Dealing With Triggers In The Same Time. Very Overwhelming Shadow Work.. Mostly During The Eclipses. 

May Eclipse Of Full Moon Scorpio… 

I’m Not Going To Lie But I Felt Very Uncomfortable During The Scorpio Eclipse. The Fact That The Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse Is Also My Birth Moon. My Pluto Scorpio Is Very Closed And Shadowing Over My Aquarius Rising. It’s Very Intense And I Was Dealing With So Much Triggers. I Felt Like I Was Getting Stabbed Randomly With Invisible Daggers. I Would Have Intense Dreams, Energies That Felt Hard To Deal With And Just My Emotions Being Mixed Around. After The Eclipse, I’ve Been Doing Somewhat Okay And I’m Trying To Keep Myself Balanced Out. I Feel Different And My Point Of View On Stuff Has Changed. My Behavior Has Been Different And I’ve Been Very Whatever About Life. I Deleted So Many People Off My Social Media And Blocked People Off My Social Media. Stuff That I Normally Don’t Do Because I’m Not The Type To Do That. I’m The Type That Rather You Do It To Me And I Wouldn’t Be Blamed For It. I Had To Learn To Let Go Of Many Things And Not Look Back To. I Had To Learn How To Accept Things That Detach And Attach Back. I Started Understanding That Sometimes People Reappear Because They Were Dealing With Troubling Issues. They Apologize, Speak To Me And I Go Back To Smiling With Them. Energies That I Can Welcome Back And Just Talk About New Things That Has Happened. There’s Just One… One Energy That I’m Missing Dearly But That One I Must Wait And See. It’s Fine.. They Know.. They Know How I Am. I’m Not Going To Ever Block Them Or Delete Them Out Of My Mind. I Miss Them… I Left The Group Chat That I Was In Since May Of 2022. I’ve Been More Focus About Myself And Who I Am. 

It’s May 2023 I’m Going Through The Biggest Rollercoaster Of My Life. 

New Job Changes That I’m Handling With. I’m Trying To Help Two Different Business To Work Together As A Team. I’m The One In The Middle Being The Holder Of The Scale. I’m Trying To Keep A Balance Between The Positive And Negative. 

New Financial Changes Are Unfolding In Front Of Me.. Even Though I’m Dealing With Lots Of Spending. I’m Able To Get What I Need Without An Issue. It’s Given To Me Very Easily And I Just Have To Be Responsible About It. 

Reconnecting With Family Has Been Very Strong In My Path Right Now. I’m Being More Social With My Family After Being Distant For Years. I Feel Happy About It Because I’ve Been So Anti Social. 

Trying To Balance Myself With My Health, Mindset And Emotions. Keeping Myself Balance And Giving Myself Loving Healthy Boundaries. If I Want Space, I Disappear For Awhile And I Appear Back. I Don’t Get Question, I Don’t Get Harassed Or Called A Liar. The Energy Has Been Very Respectful And I’m Able To Come Back In Calmly. 

Handling My Psychic Energies Has Been A Bit Scary. I Am Able To Predict Things That Are Good Or Bad. The Bad I Do Cry About It But The Good Makes Me Feel Proud Of Myself. It’s Something That I’ve Been Learning To Handle Better. 

Learning How To Balance Myself During Shifts Has Been Surfing Situation. I’m Surfing My Way Into The Waves Of The Water And Trying To Find A Proper Balance On The Board. Sometimes I Fall But I Don’t Give Up. Sometimes I Do Fall And I Give Myself Time To Rest A Bit Before Trying Again. I Think I’m Going To Be Okay This Time Around. This Time I May Cry At Times But I Know Deep Down. I Am Okay And I’m Very Strong In All The Things That I Dealt With. I Was Protected Even Though I Dealt With A Lot Of Pain All Around Me. But In The Same Time I Was Blessed With Wonderful Gifts. I’m Grateful For Those Gifts And I’m Very Happy To Have Them. I Know Things That Are Coming My Way Are Progressing Slowly. I’ve Predicted A Lot Of Things For Myself And I’m Seeing It Unfold In Front Of Me. I Just Need To Be Patient And Appreciative What’s Happening Right Now. I Have To Show My Worth And My Hard Working Energy. I Can’t Be Lazy And I Need To Show That I Believe, Trust And Accept Things. 

Things Are Going To Get Better. I Just Know It.