I'm not sure what's going on with me lately. I used to want to be around people often and cling on to it. I study people and I try my best to observe them before connecting.
Now Ive been selective and I give myself some space to breath. I can't handle communication or the connection with someone for the whole day. it's not them and they aren't the problem. Sometimes I need a break to breath and come back to communicate. I tend to be very strong with my empath energy and I'm clairvoyant. Shit can be very overwhelming for me.
Thankfully my friends aren't pissed at me with this reaction of change and my family is adjusting. My friends are different energies that I either reconnected with, started a new bond or removed toxic energies that I didn't want to handle anymore.
The change of connections have been very balanced and easy to click with. Im not judged for my actions and im allowed to express myself without being criticized. It's very respectful and healthy boundaries that I never dealt with.
I used to deal with a lot of force energy, judgement and controlling energies. Which didn't help me either because I became toxic for awhile. The energy would make me insecure, judgemental and controlling also to others. I didn't realize that until I got into my own mindset and started to anazlyze my flaws. I even had people telling me things that made me realize my issues. I had to really go deep into my problems and try to fix myself. I couldn't do it quickly but I am trying to repair myself. If my connections can be patient with me or understanding/forgiving. I'm grateful and blessed.. if they don't want to.. it's a big loss and heart break. It sucks but I can't do anything about it..
I've been working on myself since 2021 and I'm still dealing with some ups and downs. I'm trying to focus a lot on my mental health and emotions. I'm trying to fix myself and trying to make things better for everyone. I'm trying to express myself and also understand myself better. I am trying to open up in a way that seems safe and healthy. I'm being cautious at times with who I'm speaking to. I'm also trying to make sure I don't cling on to someone quickly. I don't want to be obsessed with someone or try to codepend on someone. I want a connection with people and be able to have a healthy balance. So far my friends have been great and I love it so much. My parents are finally starting to understand me after I've been super open ever since my best friend passed away. I opened up to my parents about hidden secrets about me. I told them everything that I did in my life. It gave me closure and I was able to be respected, understood and given opportunities to be myself.
I realized I am learning a lot and what's wrong or right.
I was speaking to an old connection and im just trying to make them understand. It isn't healthy to be suck in a connection that's hurting you or suffocating you. It's better to disconnect and remove that energy out of your life. I hope they understand that im saying it out of care and not jealously. Sometimes people tend to assume that you say certain things because of feelings of romance. When honestly .. it's more common sense and that you just care about an other's state of mind. I wouldn't want anyone to suffer the way I did.. and how much my heart was given so much pain over the years. Seeing someone else miserable and feeling lost isn't what I want for anyone. I always try my best to share my knowledge, my feelings and what I sense in a clairvoyant way.
At times I want to be given love, support, and just someone there for me. Other times.. I want to be left alone and not deal with anyone. I'm not used to this type of behavior. While I try my best to handle my actions and balance myself during this spiritual change. I try my best to relax my mind and remind myself.
I'm not going to be alone forever and this is just my time to learn about who I am before I connect with other. I can't just give myself out like this without knowing who I am first. It would be confusing for my future partner and they will be struggling to give me what I want when I may not know the answers to that. That's why I'm trying to figure myself out and learn who I truly am. I'm learning by reading, listening to things or just trying to relate to others.
The Water Rabbit aka Looking Glass of Water I've been evolving into a new form of me that I never met. I look into the mirror and it's like.. I'm not the same person. I've been meeting mirrors everywhere and it's been a crazy spiritual journey for me. The mirrors either grab onto my hand gently or roughly. I either get thrown out of the mirror or stuck in the mirror. Until I have to break the glass to remove myself out. Sometimes I'm able to walk in and out of the mirror without an issue. Mirrors can be scary or beautiful when you're able to accept both energies. I'm learning a lot about it during this journey within the divine.
The Devil 15 and The Lovers 6 Waxing Gibbous Virgo Moon
*Stares at a photo that was designed to me* Number 17.. The Star card.. Funny.. I didn't request for the Star to be on the left hand of the character. Accurate honestly because I was born left handed and the left will always have a strong meaning to me. I injured my left leg in the age of 3.My left has all my religious and luck charms tattoos. My left is only pierced when I have important memories that I want to keep. I have a bad looking birthmark on my left on the chest. I have 8 tattoos and 4 piercings on the left (12 markings). Someone designed something that I requested to be made for me. Looking at the design makes me smile even more because it fits my energy. Realizing that now while I'm staring at the design. It makes a lot of sense honestly.. I'm requesting strength of 8 in Leo descendant to grant my wishes for my Aquarius rising in Star energy. When the artist was inking the Star into my arm. Damnit it felt like fucking fire burning into my skin.
LOL! Honestly.. my curiousity sparked hard. "Curiouser & Curiouser".. Lord I can never forget how much I told myself when I got those words inked on my rib cage on my right. The ribs take their symbolism from bone, which symbolizes form and their shape is reminiscent of the rings in the egg – the levels and layers. The rib signifies the earth level at which form is found. Therefore, in the bible story, God uses Adam's ribs to create a form based on women at the earth level. I'm extremely curious about everything in my life. If someone reminds me of something that reminds me of who I am. I am going to ask you what's up? I ended up finding out that the person links to my energies. We both are Virgo moons, have the same Tarot cards, and who knows what else we have in common. Eventually I can find out depending how the connection works out. Meeting new people in life is always the best feelings of the unknown.
The Grand Cross is Active
I am a Grand cross after all and I need to charge my energies often. Jupiter is now in Taurus and I am a Taurus Jupiter in the 3rd House of Gemini. June has always been a up and down roller coaster but I believe it's rolling it's luck for me once again. I just need to appreciate the energies that come into my life and say thank you. Scorpio energies are really doing a number on me to grow. I've been growing a lot during my journey and I'm becoming more Scorpio rising instead of Aquarius rising. It's fine because .. I need to switch at times to balance myself out. Dealing with Mars, Pluto, Rising and Descendant can be very stressful. I'm either in a lot of rage or I'm shut down with low batteries in my mindset. I feel like a machine that needs often electrical sparks or fire to turn on my energy. I guess that's why my closest friends lately have fire in their big 3 placements or in their mars. I deeply love people with Aries Mars in their birth chart. LOL not sure why I'm such a masochist with it but they are so relatable. Oi.. I'm going to hell for sure hahaha ...
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