The Tower And Chariot

The photos look overwhelming?

Yeah.. It sadly can be and the way to handle it. It's to face it hands on and just try to deal with it. As a Pisces sun with a Grand cross in Fixed Signs. I am an Aquarius rising with a Grand Cross in Taurus, Scorpio, Leo and Aquarius. I basically am always fighting with the Chaos within me. I'm always trying to defeat the demons inside of me or around me. I'm always dealing with the Tower moments and random unknown obstacles or surprises. I'm not saying that you should deal with it like I do. I'm not saying in a way of making yourself depressed and lock yourself away. What I'm saying is.. hoping for the best out come by working on yourself and doing inner work. Is the best mindset and .. energy you need. Even though life could be overwhelming and difficult.. there's always a rainbow in the end. If you believe in it and trust in it. I know I do and I've .. been trusting it for years. But sometimes I do have my doubts and I overwhelm myself.

I've dealt with so much Tower moments lately in My 7th House in Virgo Moon. It's been making me extremely depressed. Sadly.. It's something that I myself need to accept and try to handle the pain in a different way. 7th house is Libra in Partnerships and my connections with people have been a up and down rollercoaster. Either hot or cold, delete/block or just disappears. Honestly? It's been hurting me a lot.. I'm trying to focus on myself and just go with the flow. I wish Life wasn't so hard and I wish Life could be easier. It sadly can't and I just have to accept it. Life lately has been Difficult and I'm trying my best not to break down. The amount of moments that I felt like Breaking down. It's been 75% out of 100. I'm not sure how I'm able to handle it the way I've been. I'm actually proud of myself because normally once I get stuck in depression. It's been very difficult for me to remove myself out. I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand or I'm being suffocated by the high tides. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck inside a toronado. I am a Pisces Sun, Virgo Moon and Aquarius Rising after all.. I am always dealing with issues of Water, Earth and Air.

Normally I have people around me pulling me out but this time.. I don't want anyone saving me but myself. I tend to do very wreckless stuff when I'm sad. I either do things that I shouldn't or put myself in a drinking situation. I guess I'm being selfish for pushing people away or I'm mirroring something here.. am I channeling something? This doesn't sound like me.. but I've been dealing with a lot of changes. I've been quiet, observing and just focus on myself. I'm trying to balance myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I was paying attention to a May Forecast by an Astrologer that I follow. He's right.. as an Aquarius rising.. I do feel like a Scorpio. I'm actually very nervous for myself because the placements of the universe when it comes to the planets. It's in Grand Cross Fixed Signs and The Full moon in Scorpio will be Lunar Eclipse. I predicted on March 4,2023 .. a very overwhelming time for me and it's happening..it has happened already a few pieces of my prediction and now I'm prepared for the rest. It's very overwhelming right now because I knew this was going to happen...

The Lunar Eclipse last year in May 16 2022 .. that was intense for me. It was 3 days before the Full Moon that was Bloody Red... that My heart was ripped into two. God I hated that day with a passion and I didn't want to tell anyone about it. I'm not sure what came out of me that day but the person who hurt me.. heard a massive amount of hurtful words that I myself don't regret. I didn't know how to react to that afterwards but I said what I said.. I moved on and focus on myself. Once I did that.. Beautiful things happened to me during the energy of Full Moon Scorpio Eclipse. Connections that I've always wanted or wanted to reconnect happened. It was a Blessing but .. Why .. is it disappearing? Why did it suddenly disappeared again? It's like a Blessing but a Curse.. I really can't stand this. I don't know what's up with the Eclipses.. They tend to show a different side to me.. I was supposed to be born on a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse but ... I didn't want to come out just yet. I almost died during birth but I was able to be given a chance to live. After the 24 hours passed and around 6am.. I was able to come out. I guess you could say I was magicial child from birth.. and something I do love about Scorpio.. is that the energy has really put a strong transformation on me. 

I could of had a Scorpio years back if I knew.. I was expecting. It's fine because .. once again I was able to survive. I dealt with close to death experiences and I'm very lucky. The day I .. found out was the day of The Star Card 17 and 8 in Strength. I may have lost a Scorpio child that day.. but Aquarius and Leo bought My Taurus energy with a Strong connection between My Family and 2 close connections. It's funny because they say Jupiter in Taurus shows you the true connection in partnerships. It's true.. I did see connections that day and a lot of energies that I learned I wanted to keep in my life. What I'm sad about is.. why are they gone?

I'm Nervous about this Full Moon in Scorpio slightly because the New Moon in Aries has gave me a heart break. Yet.. something is telling me not to take it strongly and be hopeful. This year it's going to be 5/5/2023 in the power of 17.. The Star and Strength. I wonder.. if this is the chance for the wishes that I truly want in my life. I've been dealing with so much pain for so many years. I think I truly deserve to be happy and be able to feel great again. I've been putting so much inner work, repairing and cleaning up myself. I think I deserve something better for myself with the strength of Leo. 2024 is 8 in Leo and also The Star of Aquarius. Aquarius will finally be in Pluto for 20 years and 2023 will be a Strong Energy for the year. I believe in The Star Card ever since I got into a show that I was curious for the past 6 years in 2022. I was so curious about the show that I never gave it a try until I noticed how popular it could be. That unlocked a lot of hidden messages and secrets within myself. I was able to tap into different divination skills and psychic energy. It's pretty interesting because it made more sense after the 2nd and 3rd time watching it. I had to go deep into the rabbit hole to understand it and man.. it really put me into a surprise. 

The energies that I'm dealing with.. and the clairvoyance has been very difficult for me. I predict so much shift energies up in the surface. That it could happen a month before it happens or a week. It's very overwhelming and right now it has been happening more and more. It's like a stab to the heart and that's something that I'm dealing with. The Tower and Chariot under 23.. Seriously? I am 22.. I am the 4 Energy of Emperor. Why does 23 need to hurt me like this? Yes .. 5 The Hierophant and it really is showing how to balance me out. I've been so focus but I guess I'm doing something wrong. You're triggering me with a energy that I need to confront.

The mirror in front of me that is rejection of myself and what I don't want to do. I don't want to feel emotional all the time. I don't want to feel like I am a burden to anyone. I don't want to feel weak around others. I don't want to keep dealing with this vicious cycle that keeps being disappointing. I just want to recover my mental health, recharge my emotional self and reconnect with my inner self again. I want to replace, repair and rebuild myself. I think that's why I am so triggered by today. I gotten a new wake up call and it's really hurting me. 

"They will come back when the ocean gets high tide again"

I'm re-reading what I predicted on 3/4/2023 in the power of 14 and 5... I must be patient with myself to build my own self into The hierophant energy that I deserve to be. Not just for my connections but for who I am.. what I predicted that day.. might be why I'm shifting and focusing on myself. I'm triggered because I feel this energy of abandonment that has been hurting my heart. But like my mentor has told me.. energy comes in and out on its own. You must let the energy flow within you and around you. There must be a really good reason why I'm too calm right now.. because normally I go into an emotional break down. This time.. I'm not and it's a bit confusing to me. I guess now the only I can do is say.. 

I will be waiting and I will be trusting in the flow