The Sun Card

I’m starting to realize that.. I can’t stand the amount of toxic energy that I get surrounded in. I feel suffocated and I lose my connection with reality. I lose track of my mindset and I zone out during certain conversations. I lose the interest of speaking or connecting the conversation. I shut down and I want to hide into my bubble until my batteries are charged.

Recover Recharge Reconnect

It’s not the same.. nothing feels pleasing to me. Every single time I think of good memories that I enjoy and miss deeply. I just smile for a sec and go back to a broken smile. I always look like I lost sleep and I look miserable.

I’m not.. but in the same time I’m tired of faking my smile. I rather just walk around with this look like I hate the world. Eh.. it’s fine because I’m approachable which is very amusing to me. I guess I really do bring a “good vibe” to others. I’m not sure anymore.. but I just go with the flow with life. I’ve learned to stop overthinking so much and asking constantly why? What if? And how? I’m just tired of stressing myself with that because I’ve learned it was making me sick.

There’s things that I close my eyes and think for a moment. Missing the energy and wishing for a return of connection. The only thing I can do is shrug and just be in the moment. I’m not saying I gave up! or wouldn’t want it to come back.  I do!

The door is open for that energy to return.. but why am I always feeling these eyes staring at me? Every single time I look behind me.. I just feel this aura near me and it feels so familiar… The energy I can feel it strong in the 5D but the 3D it’s delayed..and I feel the energy so overwhelmed.

The 3D: You’re overwhelmed.. you’re stressed out of your mind and you feel trapped. Can you please stop doing this? Can you please speak?!? Can you please stop holding back how you’re feeling? I’m willing to come in as soon as you let me. I’m willing to bring out my hand to you and try to pull you out. Express yourself! You’re putting this energy like a shield all around yourself. I try my best to figure out how to enter. But I get pushed back down and I just sit there.. I sit there on the ground feeling defended. I just sit there thinking to myself how for once I felt something different.

This energy is so different.. supernatural .. and I wish I could make that connection feel special. I’ve been always there.. I’ve always been trying to show and support. I just don’t want to give up and I hadn’t.. I won’t..

“I'd fight for you
I never knew that I could feel this way. I'm right for you. This kinda love don't happen everyday. I'd fight for you. I didn't wanna have to raise my voice. I'm right for you. You really leave me with no choice. I'd fight for you” Fight for you- Morgan Page September 8 2009 (9/8/11:28/10)

Wheel of Fortune turn this song into a Magical energy with The Sun Card! Every time I hear that song.. I feel the deep meaning in my mind and heart.

I just .. heh I wish I could express it in person but I am put on hold. It’s fine.. I understand and I’m doing my best to stay strong this whole time. This journey has been tough but I’ve been learning so much and I know I still need to continue. I’m not giving up on anything and I’ve learned the mindset that I was meant to be.

If I have to learn to be a Druid, Mystic, Red Mage, Necromancer, Divinator and Magician of Alchemy. I will do my best to gain all my knowledge to prepare for my next step in life. I’m just waiting for you to return back to me the connection that I desire. I know the Sun card will be here for me.. you were my star card and I was your moon card.

Aries New Moon of the Solar Eclipse bring me the strength and unlock the keys of my Pisces sun and Aquarius rising in the 1st of Aries. I believe I will gain the strength to transform into the person I’ve always wanted to be. If I have to go into RAGE first before I can balance myself. I am ready to fight against all the shadows all around me. Ares you are the god of war? It’s fine.. I’m used to the Chaos.

Scorpio Lunar Eclipse as You have been there for me since last year in Easter Full Moon in Libra/Scorpio. I’m asking you once more.. I need you Hades… I need you to bring me Strength with Ares.. I am Your Persephone in this World and I am learning my best to balance the energy of Hekate. I promise this time.. I won’t remove the water off my neck.. but I had to prove a point and I was wrong for that.

My Sun in Pisces and Aquarius Rising in 1st House of Aries. My Moon in Virgo in 7th House of Libra. My Grand Cross in Fixed with a Mix of My Chart placements: Taurus in Mars and Jupiter, Leo in My Descendent, Aquarius Rising,Venus,Mercury and Scorpio Pluto…

I’ve been really shifting for the past 3 years of 2019-2022… Now this? Another 3 years? And .. The connection that I want dearly .. is dealing with the same… for they are a Grand Cross Mutable. Is this? A curse? Or a blessing?

I know very well that our souls have been feeling like they want to scream from all the chaos that keeps coming down on us. Ugh reminds me of what my teacher kept saying.. Dante Inferno.. Man you weren’t wrong and the energy is 100% accurate. I have so many battle scars on me and I just feel like I’m always in the defense. I am tired of it and the only thing I can do is… Stand there ready to attack or observe.

My connection of interest is The Tower And Chariot. I am the The Devil and Lovers.

Very similar energies that brings strong lessons of self and how we grow to become the best in our lives.. But sometimes we feel exhausted.. overwhelmed and anxiety.. I feel like if we were together next to each another.. it would be like we are fighting against monsters with our weapons or magic.. Every single time we defeat something coming our way. We level up into something stronger and amazing. 

Please May.. bring back this energy and restart the energy. I need a reset and I would like a second chance to fix this connection. If you’re reading this.. just wake up and understand.. I care about you okay? Everything in my life changed after and … I transformed into something completely different. I appreciate you and the energy that you gave to me. I learned to love myself, appreciate myself and become stronger in the connection of the spiritual force.

I miss you.. Please come back..

Star Card: 17th I am asking for your strength with the power of 8. 

April 17 2023: 12/7: 19 The Sun... Oh wow.. Heh I'm glad I didn't calculate this blog before hand. I love surprises... today is the The Sun Card with The Wheel of Fortune and Magician.. This made my night and it's almost 3am. 

I am The Aquarius Rising in Magician, I am the Fixed Grand Cross of the Wheel of Fortune and I am The Sun Card Of Leo Descendent. I was supposed to write this blog and write it outloud.. I understand now..

So Mote It Be!